What should you do when your ex wants you back?

You may not admit it to anyone, but secretly you dreamed about this moment when your ex wants you back. So now you’re left wondering, “What should I do?”

Here are a few things to think about before you say yes…or before you say no.

1. Ask yourself, what’s the situation?

I know you’re more familiar with the situation than anyone else, but still, I want you to revisit it.

If it helps, get out a notebook and write out the course of the relationship.  Remember the highs and lows.  Don’t sugar coat it and don’t look at it too negatively.  Be as objective as you can.

If you were advising a friend, what would you suggest she do in the situation?  In fact, if it helps to phone-a-friend, this is the time to do it.

Be honest and upfront with yourself about what you’re working with.

You may have dreamed about experiencing this moment when your ex wants you back but now that it’s reality try to objectively take a look at the situation.

For example, Bethany, a first year classics major who shared on babe.net said, she and her ex decided to break up because “he decided to take a gap year and I moved for university, we just broke up because we knew long distance would never work. We are actually still good friends.”

Whereas Pedro, a physics major from the same site babe.net said his ex “was too obsessed with her ex boyfriend, I was tired and bored of her talking about her ex all the time.”  So the environment may not be as great for these two to recover their relationship.

2. Why did you breakup?

Seriously consider why the relationship ended.  Was it over something silly?  Was it a misunderstanding or was it something more serious?

Sometimes you’ll find that you can forgive but you may struggle to forget. In that case, you may find a dark cloud hanging over your relationship.

Remember, people break up for a reason. Check to see if the relationship is genuinely broken or if the connections can be repaired in a way that leaves your relationship healthy.

3. If you’re stuck in a cycle of serial breakups, you probably need to call it quits

We all know that couple (or maybe you are that couple) that has broken up and gotten back together 50-leven times.  They seem to be glutton for punishment because no matter how many times they get back together and how much it seems they’ve reconciled their problems, things fall apart.

Sometimes, when you’re stuck in a crazy cycle with someone, it’s hard to make it stop.  (If you want to Press Pause on Your EX, check out this resource I’ve prepared for you).

If you’ve gotten to this step and it sounds familiar, refer back to Step 2 – Why Did You Breakup?

If you’re breaking up and making up over and over and over again, perhaps the relationship is trying to tell you something.  Maybe you should accept that the two of you are not compatible – at least right now – and allow each other space to heal, regroup and reassess who you are.

4. If you broke up because of abuse, you should call it quits

There are few things I dislike hearing as much as an EX claiming he’s made a huge, Lifetime-movie-sized leap in his character, behaviour or tendencies after a week.  Unfortunately, it’s too good to be true.

When you ex wants you back and tells you he’s changed without anything significant happening to bring about the change, run!

If you’re wondering, something significant would be therapy, a life-changing event, a come-to-Jesus-moment or time and maturity.

I talk about this more in the article 6 Ways to Know if You Should Take Your Ex Back After a Break-up.

 Long-term change doesn’t happen overnight.  If you and your ex broke up over a major issue that requires therapy and counseling to deal with, don’t expect overnight miracles.

Most importantly, have realistic expectations. If you ex comes back and tells you he’s changed and it’s only been a couple of days or weeks, understand that lasting change requires a change of heart, attitude, perspective and habits.

If you do decide to get back with him, do so with your eyes wide open and your expectations reasonably set.” 

5. If the two of you broke-up because your family doesn’t like him, stop and ask if it’s legitimate

Sometimes the people closest to us have things to say we don’t want to hear.  Without a doubt, however, they know us the best and love us the hardest.

When your ex wants you back, share it with your family and close friends.  If your family isn’t feeling your EX, ask them why.  Keep an open mind to hear what they have to say.  If it’s a pile of rubbish, toss it out, but if you sit with it for a couple of days and realize it’s true, have a mind and heart that are open enough to accept their advice.

Remember, you are not just in a relationship with a person but with his family and friends as well.  Think of all the family dinners, reunions and holidays you’ll have to spend together.  While it may not be a deal breaker on it’s own, it’s definitely a contributing factor.

6. If you broke-up because of a miscommunication see if you can talk it out.

Sometimes relationships end over miscommunications or because two people aren’t able to communicate well with each other.  If this was the challenge you and your ex faced check to see if you’ve overcome it before getting back together.

Spend a bit of time together, especially in some stressful situations to see if your communication skills and tactics have improved.

Even if they haven’t there’s still a small ray of hope.  If the relationship means a lot to you and you’re both willing, you can try counseling to work on developing the skills necessary to communicate better.  The good part about it is that communication is a skill that can be developed over time so even if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll be able to use the skills in other areas of your life.

7. Is the relationship about to get serious?

Sometimes a breakup is really a request from your ex to clear his head.  Sometimes partners take space before a relationship gets really serious…and when I say serious I mean marriage.  So in this scenario, when your ex wants you back, he’s hoping it’s for keeps!

Now as a disclaimer, if you found your situation in one of the previous scenarios, be careful of trying to twist your situation to fit this scenario.  This might be the rarest of all the situations mentioned, but it does happen.

When Your Ex Wants You Back

Sometimes as the relationship gets more and more serious and as the two people assess whether they want a life together or apart the reality of the future of the relationship begins to scare them so they back away for a bit of space.

As they spend time apart, they realize that the person they’re with is truly the person they want to be with forever and they look to renew the relationship.

In most cases, this works best with a healthy relationship where one of the partners just wants space. Be honest with yourself to decide if this is your situation before you get back with your ex.

Knowing what to do when your ex wants you back can be hard. Keep a level head and make sure you keep people in your corner who have your best interest in mind and can give you some solid advice.

If you want more insight on your situation with your ex, check out the article 6 Ways to Know if You Should Take Your Ex Back after a Breakup

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