How do you know if you should take your ex back after a breakup?
Your heart might be telling you yes, but your mind might be screaming a loud NO!
Which one wins? Head or heart?
I’m going to give you six quick questions to ask yourself when making this decision. Find a friend to go through them with you to keep you honest!
- Why did you breakup in the first place? Was it over something you’re not willing to compromise or change? What it a deal breaker? What has changed?
- Is your ex willing to move at your speed or is he insisting everything must happen at his pace?
- Are you making the decision out of loneliness or because you genuinely want to be back with him?
- Have you consulted with people you love? Are they in favor of reconciliation or are they strongly opposed? Are their explanations reasonable?
- How long has the break been? Has it been long enough for major changes to take place?
- Are you prepared to move forward with caution?
Now that you’ve answered those questions, I want you to dive deeper into my explanations below.
1. Remember why you broke up in the first place
Making the decision to break up is not an easy one. Many things happened to get you to that point. When your ex comes back looking to get back in your good graces, remember the things that drove you apart.
I’m not suggesting you be spiteful and angry. I just want you to keep your eyes wide open.
Think back to why you decided to split up and see if all of those things still stand true.
If you can’t point to any thing different and you can foresee that all the same issue will be there, move forward with caution.
You may have another breakup on the horizon if the two of you reunite.
2. Allow things to move at your speed, on your terms
Don’t feel pressured to move quickly if he decides to come back. Take your time to evaluate things to make sure he’s genuine.
As much as you might want to leap into his arms for a warm embrace, sometimes you need to play it cool to see how sincere he is.
If you find that he’s impatient for everything to be exactly as it was before and doesn’t want to move at a pace you’re comfortable with, pause and evaluate that.
Decide if that’s the type of relationship you want to have.
3. Don’t make a decision based on loneliness
So many things drive our decisions, but sometimes those same things can cloud our minds.
If your ex unexpectedly comes back in your life, remember why you broke up. Does that reason still stand or have things changed?
When you look at the person standing in front of you, do you still see the same guy that you initially walked away from?
Are you making a decision based on loneliness? If you are, just slow your roll a little bit and think about making a decision with your head instead of your heart.
There are many ways to deal with loneliness (Check out this article “How to Deal with Feeling Lonely after a Breakup) that don’t include jumping back into your last relationship. If you do decide to get back into that relationship, make sure you do it because you want to and not because your loneliness is forcing you to.
4. Consult your Fab 5 and be open to their feedback
Every girl should have what I call her Fab 5. This is your group of besties – around 5 give or take a few – who are always honest with you and can tell you like it is.
If your ex comes back on the scene, take the news to your council and see what they say. You don’t have to take their advice, but at least get it. Use their advice to drive the decision you make.
You might have half on one side and the other half on the other, but listen to their reasoning and listen to their hearts.
They’ve known you, hopefully, for awhile and have your best interest in mind.
When you’re getting their opinion, try to make sure the advice comes from a mixture of young and older friends that way you get words of wisdom from different generations.
5. Remember long-term change doesn’t come quickly
As you’re making your decision about whether or not to let your ex back into your life, remember, long-term change doesn’t happen overnight. So if you and your ex broke up over a major issue that requires therapy and counseling to deal with then don’t expect overnight miracles.
Most importantly, have realistic expectations. If you ex comes back and tells you he’s changed and it’s only been a couple of days or weeks, understand that lasting change requires a change of heart, attitude, perspective and habits.
If you do decide to get back with him, do so with your eyes wide open and your expectations reasonably set.
6. Be cautious
Move forward with caution. Breakups can be some of the most heart-wrenching times in our lives so treat your heart with the care and caution it deserves. Make sure to only entrust it to people who are worthy of it. And in the end, remember no one can love you like you do, and they will follow cues about how to treat you from the way you allow them to treat you and the way you treat yourself.
When your ex calls you after your breakup, do you moan to your friends about it, but secretly do a fist pump inside because you’re glad he hasn’t forgotten you? Or do you dread the moment and avoid picking up the phone?
Whatever your reaction, hearing from your ex after a breakup can cause a rush of emotions.
Many times, he swears up and down he’s changed. And while part of you is hopeful, the other side of you is skeptical and knows that it’s unlikely.
What should you do when your ex comes back? Should you take his word for it and believe that he’s Mr. Nice Guy now or should you tell him to stay away?
While I don’t know your exact situation, I can give you some guidelines to follow when you’re deciding if he deserves a place back in your good graces. So let’s jump right in!
Here’s to wishing you lots of love and happiness!
xx
Rai