As the days passed by, I began to talk to Peter more and more. He was becoming a bigger part of my day and my life…and this scared me…a lot! I was scared of getting too close to him. I was scared of this very new relationship developing so quickly. This was because in a relatively short period of time, we had become quite close friends, although at such a long distance.
Among his friends in Australia, he was becoming known as being only half available. He was there in body, but his fingers were flying fast as he constantly sent me text messages. He was waking up early each morning to chat with me, until one day it all came to a sudden halt! At my request. Once again I was scared.
I was afraid of getting attached. I was afraid of making emotional decisions. I was afraid of moving ahead of God. And when I asked if we could stop talking so much, he agreed, with great resign in his voice.
The first (and only) day of not talking to him seemed to pass by so slowly. I kept looking at my phone, waiting for a message from Peter. Waiting to hear him check up on me. Waiting to hear an update on his day. But there was nothing.
I prayed, God, please be clear with me as to what you’d have me to do as it relates to my heart.
I was scheduled to talk to a group of young women later that day, but after this sudden self-created disaster, I was in no shape to give my talk. I timidly sent Peter a text message, breaking my self-imposed silence. I said, I don’t want to go give this motivational talk today. Moments later, my phone rang. With kindness and patience, he pulled the problem out of me. He didn’t highlight the fact that I had imposed and broken our silence. I expected him to coddle me to make me feel better, but instead he said,
Rachel, didn’t you say you want to do more speaking engagements?
I paused for a moment. I wasn’t expecting such a stern tone. Yes. I said with a bit of trepidation.
Isn’t this an opportunity for you to do a speaking engagement.
Yes. I replied.
So what’s the problem then? He asked with confidence.
I don’t know. I muttered back.
Get up, pull yourself together and go out there and accomplish the things you want to accomplish.
Initially, I was stunned, but then, I began to see Peter in a new light. I saw someone who would give me the kindness and gentleness I needed when I needed it but who would also give me a swift kick in the pants when I needed that as well. I felt a new found respect for him, and I quickly forgot my self-imposed silence.