Stop the Negative Self-Talk after Your Breakup
Do you ever think about the words you speak to yourself? It may not be that you’re saying the words out loud, but you’re probably whispering them to yourself inside your head. Are you speaking life to yourself or are you beating yourself up?
Sometimes we blame our bad moods on other people, but have you ever noticed that at times, we are our own worst critics.
These last few days, I’ve had this looming project and when I’m by myself working on it, I’ve started noticing the words I’ve been speaking to myself. They’re so negative. I have to fight back against them to maintain my belief in my ability. And then I noticed the words stopped being just about my project and started being about me as a person.
This is when I stopped to think, I would NEVER let anyone else speak to me this way, why am I talking to myself like this?
I’ve often found that after a breakup, I say things to myself I would never normally say. I blame myself for things I know that logically can’t be my fault.
Have you ever experienced this? I want to challenge you to stop the negative self-talk that you might be engaging in.
Here are 5 things you MUST STOP saying to yourself, today, to improve your outlook on yourself and on life.
1. You will NEVER ___________.
You can basically fill in the blank on this one. You will NEVER be good enough. You will never be that happy again. Never say never. Don’t predict a negative future on yourself. Shut this voice down right away.
2. You aren’t _________ enough.
You can fill in the blank on this one — pretty, smart, rich, desirable. We can project our deepest fears on ourselves and make it a long-lasting characteristic. Don’t take a fear on as a life-long characteristic. Address it for the fear that it is and don’t let it haunt you.
3. Nobody will ever love you.
This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself because you are already loved! You are surrounded by love. When you’re not in a romantic relationship and you tell yourself nobody will ever love you, you tell yourself to believe you’re unlovable and not desirable. However, the truth is you are loved by family members, friends, co-workers and pets. You are loveable. Not having a romantic love interest at one moment in time doesn’t determine your desirability in life. It just describes your current state of being.
4. You always _____________.
You can pick your poison on this one. By using this line, you tell yourself you can’t improve and you can’t change. What you’ve been in the past is the way you’ll always be. Also, we let a mistake or someone else’s mistake be expanded to a character trait. We often use this line to tell ourselves something negative like, “You always mess up” or “You always run men away”. Whatever it is that you usually tell yourself, think about retiring it.
5. You are ______________.
This line could be really positive, but instead we often use it negatively. You are fat. You are stupid. You are ugly. Put these things out of your vocabulary. And stop believing the negative self talk you tell yourself.
5 positive things to START saying to yourself to improve your outlook on yourself and on life.
1. You will _________.
Speak life and possibility into yourself.
2. You are more than enough.
Speak promise and positivity. Celebrate what’s beautiful and admirable about your character and personality.
3. You are loved immensely.
Recognise that you are surrounded by love. You can also use this opportunity to show love to those around you as well. If you’re feeling this way, imagine who else in your circle or even outside of your circle might be feeling this way.
4. Life happens sometimes as the result of my actions and sometimes not. I can’t change other people’s behaviour. I’m responsible for myself.
I’m all for taking responsibility for your actions, but don’t take on characteristics because of something that happened in the past. Also, don’t predict that you’ll do something for the rest of your life just because you did it once, twice or three times in the past. Always and never are strong words to take on so use them sparingly.
5. You are ______________.
This is where the possibilities lie. Speak life and positivity into yourself. Dream big. Love hard. Think of all that’s beautiful about yourself and embrace it.
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