What I’ve Learned in Two Years of Marriage about Patience, Projects and Star Wars
Looking at it rationally, our story is unlikely. Looking at it spiritually, God’s timing and orchestration is impeccable.
It’s hard to believe that two years ago today, my (then) fiance and I went by a lake in a town about 2 hours north of Sydney, where Pete proposed, and had a clandestine wedding. Looking back, it’s a bit laughable. We went off like we were some kind of celebrities, dodging paparazzi. The reality is, we were so eager to make our relationship official we did it before the “real” wedding in December of that same year.
Thinking back, we had only met each other seven months earlier in February. A couple of months into the relationship, we already knew we wanted to get married. It’s funny how those things happen sometimes.
Looking back, I didn’t know everything about Pete that I know now. For example, I didn’t know that he had watched Star Wars nine times in the theater before we got married. I didn’t know that! I kinda think that’s a breach of contract. That’s the kind of things you’re required to tell a girl before she agrees to take your last name. News like that can be a deal breaker. When I ask him why he didn’t tell me that before we got married, he looks at me and says simply, “I’m not stupid.”
And he didn’t know everything about me that there was to know. For example, at our 2nd wedding ceremony (in December of the same year, after it was already official), my mom told him that I love projects. Pete probably thought this meant I like to take up knitting or basket weaving. He’s since learned that it means my projects are all consuming. They’re huge. The more epic the better! It shouldn’t be too long now til I decide to produce a feature film or write a book series!
What I knew but have learned on a deeper level is that how much Peter epitomizes I Corinthians 13:4-7. It might sound totally cliché to say, but when I read these verses, it’s like I’m reading about my husband. Those who know him, would know it’s true. It says, “
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
Here are the things I’ve learned in the past 2 years:
- Be open to love. You can’t be open to love if you’re angry all the time. Close your eyes to anger and open your eyes to love. Look for it at every opportunity.
- Life can be unexpectedly short. Seize love. When people say they’re “in” love it means they have been “in” tentional with love.
- Forgive fast.
- Not all guys who watch Star Wars nine times at the movie theaters are not worth your time
- Love is truly unselfish. I haven’t mastered this one. Still working on it but checking out how Pete does it is a pretty good start
- Somebody’s gotta do the chores. Relationships look so sexy on screen, but so much of life is about the dishes, the sweeping and vacuuming and the dreaded cleaning of the bathroom.
- Money can make or break a relationship. Lemme re-word this statement: what you decide to do with money, how you manage money, how you spend money and how you distribute money, if not done in a way that both parties agree to can be the death of a relationship
- Marriage means more family. I feel truly blessed by being part of Pete’s family. They’ve been saving grace since I’ve moved to a new country. I feel just double the love
- Fun is where you make it. Marriage is not ALL fun stuff. If you decide the mundane will be fun, then it will be fun. Fun is all about where you inject it!
- Patience is truly a virtue. I have very little. Pete has a lot.
- You may not be excited by everything your partner is excited by (read: video games and Star Wars) but you can still support
- Food makes most things better (oh, and sex too)
- Busyness can become the bane of a marriage. It can make you become two individuals instead of one team.
- In the end, we’re on the “same team” and when we remember that, we’re unconquerable.
The biggest thing of all that I’ve learned is we all want to feel loved and listened to and believed and believed in. We want to feel supported and important. We want to feel our ideas matter and our dreams make sense. We want to know that our jokes are funny and our stories important. We want to know that our feelings were acknowledged and our voice rose above the noise. We want to know that our meals were enjoyed, our efforts and sacrifices were noticed and our gestures appreciated. We don’t always get it right. Sometimes, we get it wrong over and over again. We want to know that our spouse is someone who is committed to the journey as we learn to get it right, as we learn to love.
I love my Peter. I love the man he is. I love the man he is becoming. I love how he’s a man after God’s own heart, and there’s nothing more I could wish from him!