How to Move on from a Long Term Relationship

How to move on from a long term relationship

Are you wondering how to move on from a long term relationship? From trying to dodge your ex 🥊 on social media to fighting against negative emotions like anger, loneliness and self-doubt, to grieving the future 📆, moving on can feel impossible!

Well, in this article, I’m wanna talk to you from my personal experience.

I want to share some inspirational quotes on how to pick yourself up, heal your broken heart, take care of yourself, focus on the future and walk through your healing process.

Well, that was a mouthful!

Are you open to a little bit of helpful advice??

Let your homegirl Rai tell you a little something about her experience so you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through, ok??

One of the biggest struggles after a breakup is finding the strength and direction to continue with your life when so much of your identity is tied up in your EX.  Your heart is probably broken and it’s so hard to see light on the other side of the tunnel.

And one of the biggest questions is, “How can I deal with the pain of the relationship ending while also working towards healing?”

My Personal Experience Moving on from a Relationship

After my last relationship ended (before I got married), I traveled to Turkey to stay for the weekend.  I know that sounds super exotic, but really, I lived in the area at the time and I needed a mental break and a change of scenery.

I’ve always believed that travel is a great way to deal with a breakup.

This is the cute little hostel I stayed at.  Just beyond those curtains on the left was the most beautiful balcony that overlooked a neighborhood street.

That weekend, I wandered the streets, took in a new culture, explored the history of the city and gave myself permission to forget the past.

I revelled in no one knowing me or my story as I took ferries and tours and walked the streets by myself.

You may not go on a trip to Turkey after your breakup but you may go on a road trip with your girl friends to give yourself time and space to breathe.

Move on by Letting Go of Anger, Hurt, Hatred and Jealousy

One of the biggest mistakes we make after a break-up is assuming that if we’re angry long enough, it will help us let go of our EX.  We think the feelings of hatred, hurt and jealousy will make our hearts so angry against the person that eventually we’ll let them go.


Things that we don’t care about don’t affect us. 

If you aren’t still connected to your EX, you won’t care about what he does.  You won’t wake up wondering who he’s with or what he’s doing.  You’ll simply let go and move on.

Your anger, hurt, hatred and jealousy show that you still care and if you still care that means you haven’t let go.

The best way to truly let go of your ex is to let go of anger, hurt, hatred and jealousy.  The problem is, it’s really really hard.

Don't let your anger, hurt, hatred and jealousy keep you from letting go because then you'll be stuck thinking I can't get over my ex

Let Go of Hurt after a Long-term Relationship Breakup

Get honest with yourself!  What happened in the relationship?  Why are you so mad about it?  What can you control about the situation?

Practice letting go of hurt, anger, hatred and jealousy by intentionally replacing the angry thoughts with thoughts about your future, where you’re going and what you intend to be doing.  Replace the thoughts of negativity with positivity.

Practice time alone where you write the negative thoughts on a paper and hold them in your hand.  Slowly release the paper and imagine releasing the emotions at the same time.  Make a ceremony out of burning the the negative thoughts or using slow, calm breathing to release your association with the long term relationship

It will take work to let go.  It won’t be an easy overnight process, but step-by-step, you will continue to move forward in the healing process.

Don’t Be Scared of Starting Over

The biggest fear we have in life is the fear of the unknown. 

The fear we feel after a break-up can be crippling!  Starting over is hard.  You know the feeling when you start a new job or a new school or move to a new state.  Starting over after a break-up conjures up similar fears.  The fear of being left out.  The fear of rejection.  The fear of being alone and the fear of feeling lonely.

Relax.  These aren’t new fears nor are you the only person experiencing them.  They are universal.

How do you address them?

After a Long Relationship, See the Unknown as a Chance to Start Over with a New Opportunity

Why not flip the situation on its head.  Instead of seeing the unknown and starting over as something to be afraid of, see it as an opportunity!

Yes, you don’t know what’s ahead, but you do know what’s behind you.  You’ve experienced it.  Whether it was an outright bad experience for you or just not a good fit, you can tick that off your list.  Been there!  Done that! Got the T-Shirt!

From here forward, you don’t need to go back.  You’ve had that experience.

Become your own best company.  It’s not so bad to spend some time alone.  Do you enjoy your own company?  Use this time to gather your thoughts and become the best version of yourself possible.  You’ll find that you’re pretty cool to hang out with!  And when you believe that, you will give those feelings off to other people as well.

Remember, Even though the Relationship Ended You Are Still Desirable

Have you ever heard of this film called “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”.  Exactly that.  Don’t worry about finding someone else.  The name of the game is not who can you find and who can you be with.  It’s about living your best life.  When you’re living your best life and you’re the best version of you possible, you will attract someone into your world.  Staying because of fear is the worst reason to stay.

Realise Your Value and Self-Worth

Realise your value and self-worth.  You are an amazing, beautifully created woman.  You deserve so much more than settling.  I want you to write down unique and amazing things about yourself on notecards.  As the day goes on and you forget these truths about yourself, I want you to remind yourself of your value and self-worth.

Your ex didn’t give you value so he most certainly can’t take it away!

Understand What You Want and Don’t Want

One of the most honest ways to help you let go is to make a list of what you’re looking for in a relationship. Be as honest as possible and don’t compromise on anything. This is your desire.

Next, make a list of what you experienced in your relationship. What was your partner like? If you have trouble remembering or you find you’re just writing the good stuff, ask a friend or family member to job your memory. I’m sure they won’t hold back! 😂

Then, I want you to compare the ideal list with the reality list. We know no one is perfect, but where do you see things on the list that you cannot compromise on? Where are the areas that fall short for you?

Letting Go Takes Time

Letting go is a process. As you feel emotions that try to pull you back into the relationship, revisit the list you created. Remember the life you’re trying to create and imagine if your EX fits into it – not just the version you created but the reality of who he is.

If you’re looking for support in helping you move on after your breakup, I’d love to help you with my Take your Power Back after Your Breakup Program. You can learn more about it here.

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